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Reagan9358
Publisher
This list of
jokes has been hand selected
and contain a variety of clever,
clean and silly jokes so be
prepared to laugh.
1. Today at the bank, an old
lady asked me to help
check her balance. So I
pushed her over.
2. I bought some shoes from
a drug dealer. I don't know
what he laced them with,
but I've been tripping all
day.
3. I told my girlfriend she
drew her eyebrows too
high. She seemed
surprised.
4. My dog used to chase
people on a bike a lot. It
got so bad, finally I had to
take his bike away.
5. I'm so good at sleeping. I
can do it with my eyes
closed.
6. My boss told me to have a
good day.. so I went
home.
7. Why is Peter Pan always
flying? He neverlands.
8. A woman walks into a
library and asked if they
had any books about
paranoia. The librarian
says "They're right behind
you!"
9. The other day, my wife
asked me to pass her
lipstick but I accidentally
passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
10. Why do blind people hate
skydiving? It scares the
hell out of their dogs.
11. When you look really
closely, all mirrors look like
eyeballs.
12. My friend says to me:
"What rhymes with
orange" I said: "No it
doesn't"
13. What do you call a guy
with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
14. What did the pirate say
when he turned 80 years
old? Aye matey.
15. My wife told me I had to
stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot
down.
16. I couldn't figure out why
the baseball kept getting
larger. Then it hit me.
17. Why did the old man fall in
the well? Because he
couldn't see that well.
18. I ate a clock yesterday, it
was very time consuming.
19. Whatdya call a frenchman
wearing sandals? Phillipe
Phillope.
20. A blind man walks into a
bar. And a table. And a
chair.
21. I know a lot of jokes about
unemployed people but
none of them work.
22. What's orange and sounds
like a parrot? A carrot.
23. Did you hear about the
italian chef that died? He
pasta way.
24. Why couldn't the bicycle
stand up? Because it was
two tired!
25. Parallel lines have so
much in common. It’s a
shame they’ll never meet.
26. My wife accused me of
being immature. I told her
to get out of my fort.
27. Where do you find a cow
with no legs? Right where
you left it.
28. When a deaf person sees
someone yawn do they
think it’s a scream?
29. As I suspected, someone
has been adding soil to my
garden. The plot thickens.
30. How do crazy people go
through the forest? They
take the physco path.
31. And the lord said unto
John, "Come forth and
you will receive eternal
life". John came fifth and
won a toaster.
32. What did the traffic light
say to the car? Don’t look!
I’m about to change.
33. I just wrote a book on
reverse psychology. Do
*not* read it!
34. What did one hat say to
the other? You stay here.
I’ll go on ahead.
35. Why wouldn’t the shrimp
share his treasure?
Because he was a little
shellfish.
Fancy
Fancy
something
something
more
more
memorable
memorable
?
?
Read
Read
our
our
top
top
20
20
Funny
Funny
Quotes
Quotes
!
!
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35 Genuinely Funny Jokes which
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